


Fire and Water

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of theWest Wing Fanfiction Central, a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in theannouncement post.





	Fire and Water

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

The Schedule: Fire and Water  
By Jenna

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, but you knew that already.  
Achieve: If you wish.  
Rating: PG for language.  
Feedback: Is a rare and precious commodity and always welcome.

(Voiceover) Previously in 'The Schedule': The Setup, Week Five, Special Dispensation, A Memorable Event, Safe Harbor, Shared Dreams, Memorial, Memories, Dispositions, Depositions, Declarations, Defiance, Legacy [Wherein Josh gets some much needed relief and POTUS looks to him as his legacy to the future]

Note: The Cliffster has been relegated to ancient history, as will be explained...

* * * Sunday, Week 14, early-November, Washington D.C. * * *

President Bartlet's newly-appointed administrative assistant, Donnatella Moss entered the White House waving her assurances to Sam Seaborn and several others that all had gone well with her testimony before the House Oversight Committee. Had her fiancé Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman been there, he would have seen immediately that her smile was too brittle and her words rang hollow. Instead of heading back to her desk in the Oval Office reception area, she went to find him. Her past had caught up with her; she'd given in to obstinate pride, and had made a foolish error in judgment. As much as she wished she could solve this problem herself, she knew too well the danger of even trying.

Donna knew she had to forewarn Josh of the freight train heading his way in the innocuous form of girlish babble in an imitation leather diary. There was nothing in the diary that related to the President's MS --hell, she had no clue about the MS until Communications Director Toby Ziegler told her just two days before the President announced it to the world. What she had clues about --lot's of clues about-- had been the health and well being of a certain dimpled Deputy Chief of Staff. Thank God the news about the PTSD had already broken. Had that firestorm not already been fought and beaten, this would be incredibly bad. As it was, it was -- hopefully -- just stupid and embarrassing. Beating herself for her stupidity wasn't going to solve the problem though. She looked through the glass and saw Josh thumbing through some paperwork; his dark blue sweater appeared almost black in the dim light of the Bullpen.

"Josh..."

"How'd it go?"

"I really need to talk to you for a second."

"What happened?" he asked again the concern evident in his voice.

"Could we go in your office?"

"What happened?" he asked quietly closing the office door behind them.

"I was asked if I keep a diary and I said 'no', only I do keep a diary..."

Donna proceeded to explain to Josh how the Chief Counsel for the House Oversight Committee, Cliff Calley, had caught up with her after she left the hearings and told her that he knew she'd lied because he had seen her diary the previous fall when they had a brief romantic liaison.

Josh knew that Donna had dated quite a bit before his boss and mentor Chief of Staff Leo McGarry had stepped in and proceeded to lay out a 20-week schedule for the courtship and eventual marriage of Josh to his (now former) assistant Donna. Still it's something else entirely to have to hear that the person trying to destroy you and your closest friends had, after only two brief encounters, enjoyed the fruits that he, after almost six weeks of actual engagement, had yet to savor. Let along the three years of -- whatever they had -- before Leo stepped in.

Granted that he was hands-down the winner of the game, and granted that he had no real right to be jealous that Donna had dated Cliff Calley --twice-- last December --when he was still recovering from his life-threatening injuries and, as it turned out, suffering from the first tinges of post-traumatic stress disorder -- but she had still chosen to abandon him for a Republican staffer from Ways and Means. And it's not like he wasn't always fighting Ways and Means over something. So... he thought, it was understandable if he still had a bit of a raw spot where Cliff Calley was concerned. He'd heard that Calley had been moved to Oversight, but he would have thought the guy had enough professionalism to recuse himself from any questioning of a former lover -- and having that bit of supposition confirmed really made his day.

Josh told Donna to do nothing, do absolutely nothing. Donna left to check in with the President, and he told her to go on home and take Josh with her. Donna quietly made her way back to Josh's office, fearing that he was still angry with her for lying to the committee about keeping a diary. She'd been thinking about why she'd ever done such a stupid thing. Trying to come up with some sort of rationalization other than being monumentally pissed at Cliff Calley for his smarmy pretense of casual friendship -- and at herself for ever allowing anyone to put her in that position.

Sure, it would be embarrassing as hell, but no one would really care about her embarrassment. She'd just be the ditzy blond assistant who'd had a string of boyfriends before she managed to land the big catch: one Josh Lyman, White House Deputy Chief of Staff. Josh would be painted around the Beltway as a lovesick fool who fell hook, line, and sinker for the gold-digging blond bimbo. Then there were the private details of his everyday struggles during his recovery and later battle with PTSD. Donna sighed at the realization that there was stuff in the diary that would embarrass Sam, CJ... the entire senior staff, even the President. Just day-to-day silly/stupid things that in the wrong hands -- and Oversight couldn't be more wrong -- would be used to paint them all as incompetent dumbasses who should be thrown out of office for the good of the nation. But... was that a subconscious reason why she would have lied?

Josh was in his darkened office with his head buried in his hands and his elbows propped on his desk as Donna quietly entered.

"Josh..." He looked up and she could see how worried he was. "I... the President said to go home and he told me to take you with me."

"I've got work to do."

"Josh, you're not... you're not doing any good here."

"Why'd you lie, Donna?" Josh fretted running his hands through his hair. "There was no need. We could have argued the diary was immaterial. We could have tied it up in court until they just gave up. Even if we lost, we could've worked a deal so it wasn't publicly disclosed. I could have kept it quiet. Now they're liable to go after you just because they can, just because it could destroy me and seriously damage us all. Why'd you do it?"

Donna sank into the guest chair. "I don't know. I honestly don't know. I don't know what it is inside me that made me lie. I know I shouldn't have. I know I should have back-peddled and said 'Oh, I thought you meant an appointment diary, I keep a personal journal that I write in sporadically.' Though how I'd really convince them of that after they had asked about scrapbooks and photo albums, I don' know... I'm not like you, Josh, my first instinct's to protect myself."

"Everyone's first instinct is to protect themselves."

"Not yours," she shook her head. "Yours is to jump in and help. I'm not the heroic type. I'm more the 'save myself' type."

Josh shrugged, "There's a difference between jumping in --being heroic-- and being foolhardy. If you'd gone into that creek, you'd have been swept away and we would've been rescuing you too. You're smart enough to know your limitations. My therapist would say I was over-compensating for being unable to do anything to save Joanie -- in fact, he did say that," Josh gave Donna a crooked grin.

"We're just two lost souls..."

"Swimming in a fish bowl," Josh completed the line from the Pink Floyd song waving a hand to indicate the fishbowl of the White House.

"At least I don't have to just wish you were here," Donna grinned back sadly. "I dunno... maybe it was easier to just lie when I was growing up... To just say what my mother or stepfather wanted to hear. They'd leave me along then."

"They beat you?"

"No... not really. I got slapped around some, but compared to what some of my friends went through, I had it easy. Mostly, they just made me feel like I was worthless. So if I said what they wanted to hear, then they just ignored me."

"Yeah. I can see being ignored beats verbal abuse. We're not inviting them to the wedding, are we?" he asked in his 'I just want to be sure' tone.

"No," Donna confirmed, smiling that Josh should mention the wedding. "So what do we do?"

"Well, we head back to your place before the President finds us. Then, I'm sorry Donna, we're going to turn your diary over to Oversight."

Donna sighed and nodded her assent.

Josh handed her his backpack while he put his coat on. He took his backpack and placed a hand on her arm. "I'll give Calley a call and arrange to turn it over. Maybe I can bluff him into keeping it just between us. He should have recused himself from these proceedings," he said shaking his head as he led the way to the Bullpen. "He's just making a name for himself."

"He did say we'd met socially."

"Saying 'Hi how 'bout those Mets?' is meeting socially. Having slept with a witness isn't 'meeting socially' by any standards." Josh grabbed Donna's raincoat off the coat rack in the Bullpen and held it for her.

* * *

Donna drove Josh's car back to her apartment while he made a few phone calls and tracked down Cliff Calley. Donna listened as Josh tersely told Cliff that he had something that Cliff wanted to see and they agreed on a time and place to meet that night.

They entered Donna's apartment and she retrieved the diary from her nightstand and handed it to Josh, who promptly stuck it in his coat pocket. "Don't you want to read it?" she asked.

"Is there anything about the President's MS in there? Anything about our covering it up?"

"No, of course not. We didn't know until just before he disclosed it on TV."

"Is there anything in there about the White House engaging in a criminal conspiracy to defraud the American people?"

"No. We didn't do that either."

"Is there anything not true in there?"

"No," she replied deliberately, "but that doesn't mean there isn't stuff that won't be twisted into lies."

"I'll let Oliver worry about that if it comes to it. Is there anything I should know?"

Donna shook her head. "It's mostly meeting famous people or going to exciting places. Or venting. There's a lot of venting about my former boss in there."

"I bet," he smiled. "I hear he was a real bear."

"A teddy bear's more like it. All talk and no action as far as I'm concerned."

"Just so it's your former boss and not your current one you wrote about. Anything we can use?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you write about him?"

"Probably. Unless I was really busy. But you hadn't been back that long and you hadn't really started... you know..."

"Acting crazy?"

"Yeah. So I probably wrote something."

Josh pulled the diary back out and handed it to Donna. "Find the entries that mention him. Then cut them out and seal them in an envelope."

"Why?"

"That way he can't destroy them. If he wants the diary to go in as evidence, then it all goes in as evidence. The pages can be matched up to prove they came out of the same book."

"Why not just copy the pages?"

"'Cause he could destroy the original pages and it'd just be our word that the copies are of pages from the diary. Our word against his; and who do you think Oversight would believe?"

"Yeah. Here, December 4th and 5th."

"Try to tear them out if you can. If not, leave some jagged edges to match up, just in case," Josh said.

Donna tore the top inch or so, but then had to cut the rest of the way. She read over the entries, blushing slightly and quickly folded them in half and stuffed them into an envelope.

"Juicy?"

"Uh huh." She nodded. "You sure I can't just burn this?"

"'Fraid not. It could still be subpoenaed years from now. If we destroy it we'll never hear the end of it. Sign your name across the seal... and the date."

Donna did as Josh instructed then handed him the envelope. He also signed and dated the envelope and put it in the inside breast pocket of his coat. He took the diary back and put it back in his side pocket. "I don't know about you but this cloak-and-dagger stuff is making me hungry. I need a burger and fries."

"Too bad, 007, fish or chicken. Grilled."

"What kind of meal is that for a super agent?"

"It's the kind of meal that keeps his blood pressure and cholesterol manageable so he can live to see his future children graduate from college," she said taking his arm.

"I bet you never told Cliff he couldn't have a hamburger and fries..."

"No. I never really cared that much if he lived to see his future children graduate from college."

"So I win?"

"You definitely win the boyfriend non-death-match over Cliff Calley, Josh. You're undoubtedly 'da man'"

"Thought so."

Donna smiled and leaned her head against Josh's shoulder as they walked down to the car.

* * *

Donna watched as Josh walked back to the park bench after handing the diary over to Cliff. She'd started out bravely at dinner but had slipped further and further into depression over the necessity of providing her former lover with her diary. She was kicking herself every way from sundown over her stupidity at ever dating the Republican attorney, much less being so needy that she had slept with someone she barely knew... Or maybe she'd just been desperately trying to convince herself that her feelings for Josh were nothing more than sympathy... She had called it off then. Cute and funny or not, she knew that Josh would take it as a betrayal that she would date 'the enemy'. Now, she felt unclean, like she'd sold her soul for an orgasm and now the devil had come to collect.

Then there was her "sense of self-worth', as Josh put it. He blamed the early off-and-on onset of the PTSD for his cruel remark, and she had no doubt that he had already started having difficulty controlling his emotions at the time. Josh was rude and callous, but he'd never been intentionally cruel to her before that night. But underlying the cruelty there was a large measure of truth in his comment. She had been looking for fulfillment through 'getting a man'; she was her mother's daughter after all. It was last November, not long before she dated Cliff. She'd had a date with a lobbyist named Tad, she tried to convince herself that he was 'the one'; just as a few weeks later she tried to convince herself that Cliff was 'the one'. Just as she'd tried to convince herself that she had felt 'a vibe' and tried desperately to ignore the harmonic resonance her entire body set up whenever Josh walked into the room. She was tuned to Josh, all right.

"It's starting to get cold already." Josh said sitting back down. Donna looked mournfully at him. "It's going to be fine." He put his hand on the park bench behind her back and briefly touched her back as a gesture of comfort. "You cold? We could walk down to Starbucks... It'll be a while."

"How long?"

"I gave him an hour." He rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"Okay," she said standing up. "I'll go nuts if I sit here."

"And there's a one nut per family limit in this town," Josh grinned.

"No," she elbowed him grinning at his ability to joke about the matter. "Your ego just won't allow you to share the title."

They walked the block and a half away from the fountain to the Starbucks and ordered lattes to go then window-shopped to kill the time.

"It's not even Thanksgiving and all the window displays are for Christmas," Donna remarked.

"Is that a hint?" Josh grinned, hoping to distract her from her worry about the diary for a few minutes.

"No... it's a complaint about the blatant commercialization of Christmas."

"So does that mean you don't want a Christmas present this year, 'cause--"

"Josh! I'm serious. There's just something fundamentally wrong with Christmas decorations made in China."

"I'm Jewish... nominally... so--."

"You're an elitist, New Englander, white guy with an Ivy League education whose cultural background is television and politics."

"Wow. You said that with such feeling," Josh smirked. "Is this a 'raise our kids Protestant' discussion?"

"No. I'm with your mother on that. We raise our kids to know both --or all-- whatever... their heritages and let them decide. But... I dunno... just make sure they know what's really important and what's just 'window-dressing' or something."

"So you're not going to suddenly decide we have to keep kosher?"

"Josh!"

"I gotta say, I'm relieved at that, 'cause I occasionally like bacon cheeseburgers, ya know," he teased dimpling merrily.

"Can you be serious?"

"Donna... we've known each other for almost four years. In all that time neither of us have been... you know... what I'd call 'religious'. I mean, we both have a basic faith in God" he looked at her and she nodded in agreement, "but not something where we feel like we have to follow--" he floundered on the words.

"Certain rituals."

"Yeah. So... I dunno... we can figure something out later, I guess. When we have kids."

"We can talk to Joyce about it," Donna said referring to the Unitarian minister who'd be performing their wedding service in six weeks.

Josh nodded, looking at his watch, "We should head back." They picked up the pace and headed back to the park.

"Listen," he said after a while. "I'm sorry about today."

Donna cocked her head in puzzlement. She was the one who had royally screwed things up.

"For raising my voice earlier." Josh explained.

"Oh, that," she shrugged. "I just didn't want everyone asking questions. I expect you to yell. If you didn't yell, I'd have really been worried," she teased.

"Well, it remains to be seen if Cliff Calley thinks the damage to his reputation for failing to recuse himself outweighs the fun he can have by embarrassing us with the diary. Thank God the PTSD was already public knowledge."

"Yeah. And I'm sorry I was such an idiot. I really am trying not to just tell the easy lie."

He shrugged, "I just feel like I'm... you know... guilty of the same thing that made you resort to a lie in the first place... by yelling like I did. Like I always do..."

"Josh, believe me, I'm an expert at this. There's yelling and there's yelling. Except for, you know, last fall you don't really mean to belittle me. Tease me, yes, but I do the same right back at you. Teasing me tells me you love me."

"Well," he dimpled, "I've been teasing you for years, so..."

"That's right, buster, and I've been teasing you right back."

"So if you ever stop teasing me, I should worry?"

"I'll never stop teasing you. You're too much fun..." she stopped seeing Cliff walking towards the fountain ahead. "I'll wait here."

"You don't want to tease him?"

Donna glowered at him, "That's not funny, Josh. The man is evil I tell you. He's Satan masked with a cute and funny smile."

"I thought you didn't believe in a devil."

"I'm starting to come around."

"Hmm... well, he is a Republican..." Josh teased as he walked forward to meet the devil and buy back Donna's soul.

The two men nodded to each other in greeting.

"I didn't see anything relevant to the fraud your administration perpetrated in covering up the President's MS," Cliff stated, handing the diary back to Josh.

"In fact, the diary substantiated that we were unaware that the President had MS and there was no conspiracy to commit fraud," Josh countered. "And, although embarrassing, the diary would be more damaging to your reputation than to mine."

Cliff gave a curt nod admitting he'd lost the round, "I'll keep this between us if you will."

"You don't leak embarrassing details and I won't either. But if I hear anything about Donna, or myself, or anyone associated with the White House... anything that I even think must have come out of that diary and you'll be lucky to chase ambulances for a living."

"That's fair. Tell her, I'm sorry about all this, will you? I really am."

Josh nodded, "Yeah," he replied with an undertone of harsh bitterness. "She trusted you." Josh turned and walked away.

* * * Monday, Week 14, The White House * * *

Monday morning staff meeting found Josh barely able to move from the cold and damp of the previous evening's expedition. Leo was willing to accept his deputy's claims of being 'fine', but not President Bartlet.

"Josh, you should take a sauna or steam bath, whatever it is we have down there. The heat will loosen up that stiffness."

"Yes sir. I'll keep that in mind."

"No, no," the President insisted not easily dissuaded from the subject at hand. "I insist. In fact I'll join you."

"Sir?" Josh responded with a desperate look towards his mentor, Leo McGarry, to save him from this fate.

"Mr. President," Leo scolded, "Josh said he was fine, and you have to get ready for the meeting on the situation in Haiti."

"I'm ready for Haiti, and Josh isn't fine. Besides, we haven't had a chance to talk lately."

"You talk to Josh every day," Leo countered.

"Well, I want to talk to him today. Mano a mano. Jealous?

Leo gave him a scornful look.

"I know you got this surrogate father thing going..." Playing his trump card the President added, "You can always join us if you like." Getting Leo out of his suit and into a steam room was tantamount to luring a cat into the water.

Leo turned to Josh who recognized his mentor's defeat, Josh sighed, "I'd be happy to join you, sir."

Charlie took care of the arrangements and 45 minutes later Josh (wearing gym shorts thoughtfully provided by Charlie upon Josh's protestation of not having a swimsuit handy) followed the President into the steam room of the White House gym. He looked back mournfully at Charlie who had escaped the torture chamber by pleading a need to study for an upcoming test. Charlie smiled maliciously at Josh who silently promised retribution.

"Ah!" the President exclaimed. "This is what men do, Josh! The modern equivalent of the sweat lodge. Our ancestors would sit around and pour water over stones heated by the fire to create the cleansing steam and wash away the grim and the aches and pains of a long hunt."

"Umm... well... I'm not so sure my ancestors ever did that..." Josh replied sitting down on the bench and removing the towel he'd slung over his shoulder to hide the scars from the curious eyes of the gym staff.

"It's primal, Josh, it's all our ancestry."

"If you say so, sir."

"Your engagement was supposed to be announced this week." The President stated, abruptly changing the subject and catching Josh off guard.

"Sir?"

"I blew that for you. Your engagement announcement."

Josh shrugged, looking down to play with the towel rather than meet the President's eye. "We're still following the schedule otherwise. The engagement just got announced sooner than expected." Josh responded, deflecting the true item of discussion.

The President wasn't buying, "No thanks to me. Now you can't even have that Rose Garden Wedding. You've got legal bills hanging over your head... And, I take it, whatever was going on yesterday with you and Donna is something I'm better off not knowing..."

Josh looked up at that. He had no idea the President was aware that anything out of the ordinary had happened the previous day. "Nothing happened yesterday, sir. As far as the wedding, we're fine with any ceremony. We'll have it elsewhere if necessary. Leo didn't schedule Mrs. Landingham's death either, sir. Sh-- stuff just happens."

"Yeah," the President agreed. "I never meant for any of this to happen. If I had it to do over again, I'd..." he paused and looked at Josh ruefully. "Hell, I'd probably do the same thing."

"Sir?" Josh asked in surprise having expected the President to profess remorse at having lied.

"I may have to tearfully tell Congress that I sincerely regret my actions and never meant to lie to the American people, but that's bullshit --and you know it, Josh."

"Sir... I..." Josh shrugged in acknowledgement that it was indeed a load of crap.

"I wanted to be the President of the United States. If I'd told Leo he would have made me tell the rest of you. The looks on your faces..." He shook his head. "You guys would have guilted me into telling the public. Then I wouldn't have been elected. No matter what I said or what rabbits you pulled out of your hats. It wouldn't have happened."

"Yeah," Josh honestly agreed. The public would not have accepted a President with a degenerative neurological disease no matter how popular. As it was, Bartlet barely won the election. The MS would have killed any chance he had of pulling out that slim victory.

"Should I resign?"

"Of course not," Josh quickly --too quickly-- answered.

"Be honest, Josh. Leo won't tell me. He tells me what I want to hear. I'm asking you to tell me the truth."

Josh hesitated, "Not yet," he replied his brow furrowed and his fingers unconsciously tracing the length of the scar that marred the center of his chest. "It may come to that. If we get through the hearings we have a chance. Probably a better chance than if you had announced the MS before you were elected. Then you were an unknown governor from New Hampshire, and the stakes were higher. Now people know you as the President and," he shrugged ruefully, "it's only for four years. People are more likely to figure you can make it that long."

"Always nice to be able to inspire the people's confidence."

"Yes sir."

"That little girl..." the President jumped to a new topic leaving Josh behind.

"Sir?"

"That little girl you pulled out of the water."

"Jessica?"

"She reminded me of my grand-daughter Annie. The first time I saw her. Big, scared eyes. Lizzie was fresh out of college and returning from a year of working with Catholic Charities in South America. She met her husband Jim down there, did you know that?

"No sir, I didn't."

They weren't married then though. Annie was five but she'd been malnourished and neglected, so she looked more like a three-year old. I've never been more proud of one of my children as I was when she turned to me and said 'this is my daughter Anna Maria. I call her Annie.' That Lizzie. I still don't know how she managed to convince 'em to let her take Annie... It wasn't easy for her, a single mom, but she persevered. She saw something that needed doing and she jumped in there and did it..." President Bartlet looked over at his Deputy Chief of Staff. "I felt the same way about you that day, Josh."

Josh shrugged off the praise, "My therapist says I was over-compensating for not saving my sister."

"Was your sister..." the President frowned, "Joanie?"

"Yeah," Josh confirmed the name.

"Was she like Jessica?"

"I don't..." he shook his head, "I don't know anymore. I can't remember her. Not really. I can't recall much of anything except moments we have pictures of."

"The fire didn't destroy the house?"

"No, just the kitchen. Joanie died from smoke inhalation. She went upstairs. I ran out."

"Yeah," the President commiserated.

"I know it's not my fault. I've been told that time and again. I didn't start the fire. I didn't do anything to cause the fire; I did the right thing in running out of the house. Joanie did the wrong thing in going upstairs. I know that, I really do. I just... I just wish I could remember her face...

The President reached out and put his hand on the back of Josh's neck. Squeezing lightly, he just responded with a sympathetic, "yeah."

"You jumped in too, sir."

"Hmm?"

"You saw something that needed doing and you jumped in without thinking of the consequences."

The President shrugged, "Yeah, I guess I did, Josh. I guess I did at that."

***

The end


End file.
